The holidays are often thought of as a time of feeling joy, excitement, and a sense of community. This is the case for some of us, however, it can also be the case that the holidays bring on much more than that. The holidays can bring on many mixed emotions, leaving us feeling heavy and maybe even confused. If the holidays feel this way to you, you’re not alone.
The holidays bring on a major shift in our daily routines. Anytime that we experience a shift in what we’re comfortable with, we can feel an emotional imbalance along with it. Many aspects of our routine will likely be disrupted (think of your sleep schedule, downtime schedule, social expectations, encountering louder and busier environments, and on and on).
Throughout these changes, it’s common to experience seemingly conflicting emotions all at once. You might feel both grateful and lonely. Naturally, this time of year brings on an increase in stress for many of us, with expectations that are constantly shifting and that can oftentimes feel quite demanding. It’s natural then that we would feel an array of emotions that seem layered and complex.
There could be several reasons for the holidays feeling stressful, including feeling increased social pressure to feel happy at this time. We may also have complex family dynamics that we’re navigating. We could also be experiencing the absence of a loved one, along with their memories and traditions that once brought us comfort. Understanding the circumstances that contribute to your own stress is helpful. This understanding can offer a non-judgmental reminder to yourself that your feelings are valid.
Being able to hold seemingly conflicting emotions is a strength. Feeling grateful and lonely can coexist. It does not have to mean that there’s something wrong, or that there is something to fix. It simply means that you are able to make space for several parts of yourself to show up together. To support this process, a helpful tool to try out this holiday season is an emotion check-in with yourself:
Emotion Check-in Strategy
The emotion check-in strategy is helpful for staying grounded in moments when conflicting feelings arise.
Step 1: Name your feelings to yourself. You can do this out loud, write it down, etc. Naming the emotion helps us tame the emotion.
Step 2: Get curious; ask yourself what might have contributed to feeling this way. You don’t have to have an answer, but getting curious about this can bring some clarity.
Step 3: Tend to yourself. You can choose to take a break, get a breath of fresh air, journal, spend time with a close friend or family member, set a small boundary that honours how you feel, or give yourself permission to take things slow for the day.
Step 4: Repeat. When you notice conflicting emotions come up again (as they tend to throughout our days), repeat this process.
I’ll leave you with this: being happy during the holidays is not the only way to signal that you’re doing ok. You can be ok and not feel happy during this time of year. All of the emotions that come up for you are valid; remind yourself of that often. Give yourself permission to be human and to experience emotions as they come, without forcing happiness to show up.
