What actually is Narcissism? The term narcissist gets thrown around a lot these days, but how many narcissists are there actually? Well, according to Psychology Today Canada, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is rare in Canada, affecting an estimated 1% of the population. The prevalence of NPD has remained stable since clinicians began measuring it. Mislabeling people with narcissism usually comes from behaviors such as being self-centered, bragging, attention-seeking, and being the loudest in a room. However, narcissism is much more complex than this.
First off, narcissism is on a spectrum, and despite popular belief, a little bit of narcissism can be healthy. For example, autonomous narcissism encompasses traits such as being self-confident, having drive, being productive, but still having some ability to care for others. When people use the term narcissism, it is usually referring to the negative parts of narcissistic personality disorder or malignant type. Narcissism is scored on a spectrum, and those who score in the mid and even high range without meeting the full criteria for narcissistic personality disorder may present as charming and come off as vain. However, they are still considered healthy.
Those who meet the criteria for a narcissistic personality disorder consistently display certain characteristics, such as grandiose self-importance, lack of empathy, need for extreme validation, attention, and appreciation. They believe they have some unique and important qualities that make them superior to others and require them to have special treatment. These traits must negatively impact their daily life to meet the criteria, and this usually shows up in their relationships due to their inability to empathize with others.
It can be exhausting and frustrating dealing with a narcissist as they will use tactics to reaffirm their view of themself that can be damaging to others, such as manipulation, exploitation, and altering reality to meet their own needs. If you are met with a narcissist, it is important to establish healthy boundaries and self-protection in terms of emotional distance.
To establish healthy boundaries, it is important to be clear in your communication with them about what you are not willing to tolerate, i.e., put-downs, demeaning comments, etc. It is helpful to discuss how their behaviors affect you, as they are typically not aware, and be prepared for some reactive behavior. You will also have to prepare for some pushback and be clear about what you will do if your boundaries are not honored, i.e., end the conversation.
It is also important to maintain your own social support for your own mental health, as some narcissists will try and isolate you to maintain dominance. If you need further support or clarity around whether you should stay in a relationship with a narcissist, it may be beneficial to seek out professional support, such as a therapist.
