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Do You Know Your Partner’s Love Language?

Have you ever experienced the “in-love” feeling in the beginning of an intimate relationship?  The one that fades over time, which you don’t like because you want it to last forever?


Once this feeling fades do you wonder who this “changed” person is that you have fallen in love with and what are you doing with them?


The reality is that this “obsessive feeling” will fade and believing that it is meant to last forever is only an illusion.  Research has shown that it can last from 1 hour up to 2 years.  Sorry to break your bubble, but this is meant to happen so both of you can find a deeper, more conscious love.


Gary Chapman describes a way to find this deeper love is by understanding each other’s’ love language and implementing it.  He explains that there are 5 types of “Love Languages”.  If you are loving your partner in the way you want to be loved, and this is not his/her love language, then your partner will experience an “empty love tank”; in other words they will not feel loved no matter how hard you try and each of you will grow farther apart.


The 5 Love languages Gary Chapman describes are

1)     Words of Affirmation

2)     Quality Time

3)     Gifts

4)     Acts of Service

5)     Physical Touch


To learn your love language there are a variety of ways to do this.

1)      Ask your self the following questions…

    • What makes you feel most cared for by your partner now?
    • What made you feel most cared for when you were first dating?
    • What do you desire above all else?
    • What have I most frequently requested from my partner?
    • How do I express my love to my partner?


2)     Read Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages, How to Express heartfelt Commitment to your Mate” or go to his web page and answer the True/False questionnaire. I would advise getting his book so your can deeply understand the meaning of your and your partner’s love language and learn many ways to fill up your partner’s “love tank.”


Chapman states that by each partner discovering their love language, many marriages in his counseling practice have been saved.  Why not give it try?


Cathy McCurdy is a Registered Social Worker with over 20 years experience and specializes in the areas of couples counselling, affair recovery, life transitions as well as many others. For more information on Cathy, her work, or other articles she’s written for Living Well click here to link to her full bio page.